


Silent

by fanfictionofmyown



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Nightmares, a bit of graphical explanations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 18:26:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17006850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanfictionofmyown/pseuds/fanfictionofmyown
Summary: Bucky never talked to her. She tried her best, thinks he hates her. But one night the nightmares are back and one or two things change.





	Silent

**Author's Note:**

> Reupload from Tumblr.  
> Originally posted on fanfictionofmyown.

When Steve came back home to the Avengers, he brought Bucky with him. It was alright. Everybody agreed to welcome him on the team. Even Tony - he was actually the one who came up with the idea. Steve agreed after a while and Bucky followed.

 

When they landed everyone gathered in the common room and welcomed each other again. Bucky apologized to the people he hurt. Especially to Tony, but he, of course, changed the topic as quickly as he could and got a drink. It’s a habit.

Natasha introduced you to both of them because you haven’t met before. You joined the Team right after the civil war. You are nothing special just a good agent with rather good bending skills. So it was quite a big deal for you to meet Captain America and Bucky Barnes - the two who ended the war.

 

Steve was open and kind, Bucky not so much but you had heard about that already.

 

*****

 

Times flew by and everybody lived peacefully together. It was a bit of a change when those two came back. You could find someone in the training room more often now. Or you found Captain America in the kitchen with a beautiful sweet pink apron. He said it was a gift from Tasha but you could only laugh. You didn’t get any of those pancakes because of your laughter.

 

You grew pretty close to Steve. He was nice and funny. He helped you with your training and you could always talk to him about anything. You could be sure he would never tell anybody or would try everything to help. He soon was your best friend beside Natasha.

 

You could tell him everything. So you talked to him about his best friend. All you wanted to know was why he didn’t talk to you. Bucky seemed to always avoid you. He did not talk to you. He did not look at you. God, he didn’t even breath in your direction! And it frustrated you.

In the beginning, you thought it would be just because he needed to get used to it but it didn’t wear off. To you, it looked ask if it was getting worse and worse.

 

Steve said you shouldn’t think about it. That he was not ready yet and that it would wear off but you doubted that.

At the beginning you tried to talk to him, to get to know him but well he didn’t respond to anything. So sometimes you just kept talking. For example, you two would sit on the couch and you would ask how his day was. You didn’t get an answer so you started to talk about your day. In hope he’d start trusting you. If you didn’t talk about your day, you talked about other things like your past or the books you read. You are sure you told him all your favorite things on earth. But you have no idea what he liked. What his favorite things were.

 

By now you stopped talking to him, you only greeted or said goodbye. It hurt you a bit that he seemed to have totally no interest in you. Especially when you are on the team, you have to interact at some point. He couldn’t always ignore you.

 

*****

 

You knew about the nightmares. Your room wasn’t far from Buckys. You woke up to screams almost every night after he had arrived. He had spent a long long time in Wakanda. Everybody thought it would have stopped but you had evidence right there. It didn’t stop. Those screams.. they bolted through your bones. How can someone so broken still be alive? You asked yourself everytime he started screaming again.

 

Time flew by and the nightmares stopped. The screams stopped. Some nights when you went far too late to bed you could hear quiet sobs through his door but not every night. But you couldn’t do anything against it. You felt helpless. You wanted to help. But you couldn’t. At least, all in all, he looked more awake than ever in the morning.

 

*****

 

It was far after midnight but you woke up and stayed completely awake. Without a reason. You rolled from side to side in your bed but sleep didn’t seem to want to join you again. So you decided to get up and get a glass of water or milk or just something.

You looked outside your door and didn’t see anyone. Why would anyone be up at this ungodly hour though?

 

You tip-toed your way into the little kitchen that was connected to the common room. When you had a glass full of water you made your way to one of the couches and placed the glass on the table in front of the couch. Before you sat down a cold wind crossed your neck and you turned to find the source. One of the doors to the balcony was open. You furrowed your eyebrows and wondered if anyone forgot to close it. But actually F.R.I.D.A.Y. would have said something.

 

You made your way to the door slowly, looking outside to see if you could find someone. You were ready to fight if it should come to that. You’re concentrating on your senses to notice every movement or sound. You were really tense -

But you relaxed rather quickly after you have seen him. He sat on the balcony watching the lights of the city.

 

You took the opportunity to take a look at him. The light of the full moon shined on his face and you could even make out the small stubble on his jaw. His features looked relaxed and confident but there was a small something in his eyes. They didn’t shine like usually. This concerned you and actually pushed you to open the door a bit further and step outside.

 

When he noticed the movement he turned to look. Of course, he is an assassin. His eyes stayed on you for a moment and he seemed to tense up. “I-I can go if you want to be alone..” you offered. Wow. Of course, he wants to be alone. Otherwise, why should he sit here at this hour? You genius, (Y/N)! You already wanted to turn and head back inside but he lifted his hand and invites you to sit with him. You nodded.

 

You slowly walked to him, still not sure if it was okay for him. The closer you got, the better you could see the bags under his eyes. They seemed quite puffy too. And on his cheeks were some stains, most likely tearstains. You swallowed and hoped he did not recognize it.

 

You sat down quick and stayed silent. The silence continued for what felt like ages. You wanted to ask if he was alright, but he wouldn’t answer. You knew that. He never answered. Why were you even here? Why didn’t you just turn around, drink your water and go back to sleep? No, you had to go. To see if he is okay. But you were too much of a coward that you couldn’t speak up. He just stared at the city and its lights. What should you do now? Just stand up and go again? It was probably for the better? This was so awkward. Why did I come outside?

 

You were about to stand up and leave when he spoke: “I don’t hate you.” Shocked And surprised from that statement, you turned to him and saw that he looked you straight in the eyes. He looked so serious. “(Y/N), I don’t hate you.” He talked to.. You? He even said your name! What was happening here? You slowly and simply nodded. A bit paralyzed from the situation.

“A-Are you alright..? D-Do you want to talk..?” You almost whispered while looking in those blue orbs. They were truly beautiful. But they were looking better when they shimmered with happiness.

 

He looked away again and said nothing.. again. He needed time. He needed time. You reminded yourself all over again. After a pause of silence, he said rather quickly “… I had a nightmare again.” You nod silently. Waiting for him. Waiting if he had something else to say. And to your surprise he really did.

 

“When Hydra first captured me they-.. they were doing experiments on me. T-the serum... They had their own serum. They strapped me to a table and tortured me.” He breathed in deep. “They cut in my arm, they stabbed my arm multiple times. They broke my fingers and finally..” His voice shook but he tried to keep calm. He tried to look strong. He did not need to be strong in front of you. He did not need to look strong now. He was safe here.

“..They cut it off. The second time they captured me. After the fall of the train. It hurt like hell.

I wished they would have killed me. Instead they did this to me… I killed so many people and after all this whole team just accepts it. Nobody-.. everybody looks out for me. God even Tony! I killed his parents! And he asks at least once a day if I’m alright! Or if i needed something! I almost killed Natasha.. twice!! And she is there every morning to make me breakfast. She does not need to do that! And she knows that! I told her! But in the end she just tells me to shut up and take what I get. You guys are all so kind and caring.. I don’t understand! I don’t deserve that!”

 

“BUCKY! That wasn’t you!” You raised your voice after he talked himself angry. But he just got louder. “That doesn’t mean anything! I still did it in the end!”

 

You were surprised by this answer. And looked down into your lap. First conversation and you were screaming at each other. That was going well. He sat back again and tried to calm himself. He looked at the city lights again. You felt a bit guilty. You felt like you disturbed his privacy. But you still started to talk quietly after a few minutes.

 

“Steve talks a lot about you. You probably already know.. Tasha says he always talked a lot about you. He always talks about this guy that saved him from the big bad guys. He talks about how this guy was everything he wanted to be. How he looked up to him and still was on the same page. Steve is quite a fanboy when he talks about Sergeant Barnes.” You chuckle a bit at the end.

 

“Then he told me things changed and the man he thought dead was still alive. He said there were too many emotions to deal with, he didn’t know where to start. All he wanted was to get his best friend back. He never saw the winter soldier. Like you never saw Captain America. You only see the small guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb to run away from a fight.” You smile to yourself. Bucky by the time turned back to you again and watched you curiously.

 

“And Steve always saw his best friend. Being the victim. Someone just has to say ‘Barnes’ and he jumped and searched if he could find something. But he always searched for his best friend. For the man that went to war to save lives. For the man that still after being tortured joined Captain America to fight and win the war. He gave his life in some ways, but Steve still was desperate to find him. And why? Because he knew it wasn’t his best friend’s fault. It is not his best friend. It is something Hydra made. This isn’t the man who saved lives in the war. This was a weapon.” You took a breath and looked him in the eyes. Your voice was firm and serious as you continue to speak. “This wasn’t Bucky and everybody knew it - knows it. That’s why we accept you. Tony of course has and had his reasons to lose his cool. But he knows. He knows Bucky Barnes is a victim and not a mass murder.”

 

You got the courage together and took his hands in yours. You also got a bit closer to him. “B-Bucky I don’t know why you don’t talk to me or why you don’t trust me or whatever, but believe me when I say: This is not your fault. This wasn’t you and you shouldn’t let those feelings eat you. You are now a new man. So don’t let your past conduct your future. Create your own future and not what you think everybody else wants you to do. Stop complaining and just say Thank you when Natasha makes you breakfast and start to live in this family. We are your family and we love you for what you are.”

 

Bucky looked at you. His expression showed nothing and everything. Too many emotions. Still guilt but on the other hand, there was hope and gratefulness. “Come on.. let’s get you to bed.” You stood up and dragged Bucky with you to his room. You waited in front of the door for him to open it. You didn't want to attack his privacy. You already did it enough tonight. He opened the door and dragged you with him inside.

 

When he turned around he asks “Would you.. stay with me tonight?” Your eyes widened a bit, your heart beat faster and you felt your cheeks start to burn. You could feel your body take over, too shocked from this questions, as you slowly nodded. He simply smiled and led you to his bed. In front of it, he wrapped his arms around you and let himself just fall on the mattress with you. You lay on top of his chest, his metal arm around your waist. He pulled the covers over your bodies and turned you two, so you lay on the side. He was quite rough but gentle at the whole process. He, of course, showed off how strong he is. You smirked at your thoughts. His other arm crept around your shoulders and he pulled you even closer to his chest. You were trapped but you didn’t mind… It felt quite nice.

 

“So that’s everything Steve told you about me?” While you snuggled into his chest you answer “Not only Steve, Tasha too.” He hums shortly “Did they tell you anything else?” You chuckled again and nod your head a bit. “Steve said you were quite a women's-man back then.” Bucky laughs a bit “Back then.. yeah.. but now.. Good night.” “Good Night, Bucky.”

 

The warmth of him, the bit cold on your waist, his chin resting on your head, the arms around you and his breathing. Everything just calmed you. He moved carefully again and pressed his lips on your forehead. And before the waves of sleep hit you, you heard him say the last thing before you fell asleep.

 

“Thank you, (Y/N).”


End file.
